16 December 2009

To tide you over

Good grief, I am incredibly busy these days. This blog is what suffers for it, of course, but I do hate to abandon you. So here's another oldy but goody, though something fresh for all you newbies out there. It's a short story I had to write for school about two years back (and it's the only short story I've ever written, and it'll probably stay that way), and I had completely forgotten about it until I stumbled across the file on my external hard drive. And I'm gonna be 100% honest - some parts of it are so friggin brilliant, I just want to invent an Awesomeness award just so I can give it to myself. Then again, some parts (like the dialogue) are so embarrassingly awful (seriously, GOOD LORD I am terrible at dialogue. My social awkwardness extends even to the characters in a story)(also, the entire second half is pretty awful)(and the entire thing is dripping with, "oh, aren't I clever?" moments)(you know what? Let's just say 96% is bad) that I genuinely want to chop my fingers off and run my bloody stumps through rubbing alcohol for daring to type such garbage. But that is me, isn't it? Never find me in the middle of the road, nope. Always on one extreme or the other.

Anyway, I'm not good at coming up with original stories, so I just took a story we all knew and loved and re-worked it a bit, which sounds innocent enough, until I tell you the part where it's the story of Adam and Eve, and now I spend most of my waking hours praying that God has a sense of humor, because I swear I wasn't trying to be blasphemous. I just took a story where we have the basics of what happened, but not a whole lot of specifics, and I decided to take a stab at filling in the blanks. It's like, um...it's like....oh crap. You know what it's like? It's Bible Fanfiction. Oh, that's disgusting. Blegh. I'm going to Hell for that, aren't I?

Anyway, I'm gonna be late for work if I don't hope off. So enjoy:


"In the Beginning"

They say that in order for something to exist, it must have a beginning and an end.

This is obviously an idea from before the invention of the wheel, because any semi-intelligent person today can look at a circle and say with confidence that there is no "Start Here" point*, nor is there any sort of definite end. Based on this observation, we must begin to question the actual existence of wheels. Maybe they never were invented at all, which would make reinventing them seem quite necessary since the current model only exists due to a crude technicality**.

*Some will argue that there is an infinite number of starting points on a circle, which may be true, but it's
also the exact same thing as there being none at all, because a non-existent starting point is still a starting
point - just a really, really tiny one. You know, infinitely tiny.

**That is, cars aren't moving along on concrete bricks.

Then again, perhaps theoretical existence is all it takes...


And then there was light.

Adam… Adam…

Having just woken up without actually having ever been asleep, Adam immediately wondered where he was and what he was doing there. How did he even know his name was Adam? Did he even know what a name was? Adam remembered nothing before that point, and I don't mean "nothing" in the sense that he once had information stored in his brain which, due to some sort of head trauma or perhaps large quantities of alcohol, had now become a proverbial blank. No, I mean "nothing" in the sense that before that moment, Nothing was where he was, was what he was, was who he was. There was a void, an absence of himself and all the Somethings around him, and while he didn't remember what being Nothing was like, he remembered that that's what he had Been, because now he Is which was far, far different from Not Being at all.

And as Adam thought this, he suddenly became aware of the voice inside his own head, and no matter how hard he tried his eyes would just not roll back far enough to allow him to see who could possibly be rambling on inside him in a language he didn't even know he knew. Then again, he didn't even know he knew a language in the first place.

But like most brains, Adam's was incessant, which allowed all of these thoughts to flash through his head in a matter of seconds. But with each passing tick of the universe, Adam felt a growing tightness in his chest that was slowly spreading to his head and beginning to take over his entire body. He felt pain, whatever that was, and he felt faint, whatever that meant, and he had a feeling that in just a few moments he would be Nothing once more. And just when he thought his body might explode from the pressure building inside of him, he felt a forceful thump on his back which took him by such surprise that his body reacted on its own as his mouth opened to vent the mounting pressure with an all-relieving "Ughhh!"

Coughing and sputtering as his body adjusted to breathing on automatic pilot, Adam turned around to see where this wondrous Blow of Life came from. A blinding light prevented him from entirely making out the figure before him, but he had a feeling that this was not someone to screw up around.

Good Morning, Adam, said the figure, This is your Father speaking.

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