14 October 2009

A quick little update

Ha! A full thirty-five days have gone by since my last blog, and did I not tell you it'd be at least a month until I got my fingers all tippity tapping on here again? You're lucky I have a mess of homework I should be doing instead right now, because it's my unwavering dedication to procrastination that is making this blog possible.

And in reference to that last post, the sleigh is a-movin', and I'm going back to Disney come January. This came about after I had a kindasorta nervous breakdown (which is being a bit overly dramatic, but that's kind of what I'm known for) last month, where I really had no direction and NO idea what the hell I was doing in any single part of my life, and in my ever-so-vulnerable state, all the demons from my past failures came out for a lively game of peak-a-boo (emphasis on the boo), and then - shortly after developing a small welt on the back of my wrist from backhanding a wall (remember? me? dramatic? overly so?) - then bits and pieces began to fall into place, and it just seemed right for me to apply for a second Disney College Program. So here I go. And truthfully, it cannot come soon enough. My mom and I always got along while living together, so I always thought the lack of rent was SO worth living at home despite my ripe old, pathetic age of 23 (and maybe a slight blow to the ego? maybe?), but for whatever reason, within the past couple of months, I've just had this overwhelming desire to get out. OOOUUUUTTT, God help me, I need to get out. And part of me wonders if, once I get down to Florida, I'll ever come back - if I'll do my program and return home, or if I'll fall in love with Disney all over again and decide to stay forever. I lost my desire to make a name for myself long ago. I'm not career driven, I don't need the world to know who I am, and who on earth do I need to prove myself to anymore? But I loved making minimum wage at Disney World. It wasn't flashy, it wasn't glamorous, it wasn't something I'd brag about a school reunion, but...well, it's called the Happiest Place on Earth for a reason, and that's what it was to me. So if that's what I'm meant to do (whether for 8 months or for 80 years), even as blue collar as it is, it's certainly a life I'm content with. Besides, at least it's a magical blue collar.

On the other hand, part of me wonders if, due to being unhappy with everything both before and after my last Disney program, I've simply romanticized and idealized my time spent there, and I'm gonna return only to find that it wasn't as fantastic as I remembered, and I'll just be all devastated and forced to go all emo on life, and I dunno, go join a nunnery or something (can you imagine? an emo nun? But that would be so very me...), but I guess that's just a risk I'll have to take.

And these three measly paragraphs have only taken me something like 4 hours to type out, so I think I'm gonna call it quits for now and look into this sleep thing that seems to be all the rage this time of night. Adios.

No comments:

Post a Comment