23 October 2009

7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 2)

The "I Can't Have Nice Things" Edition.


Yesterday. Yesterday I paid for my camera. Not just yesterday, but last night. Late in the evening. And then it wasn't even 12 hours later - not even half a day for me to enjoy a world in which all Stuff in my life was Working Properly or, at the very least, Being Repaired (I don't know why I capitalized some of the words in that sentence. Did it make me seem smart, or emphatic, or something? Maybe I was going for one of those.) - that my laptop died on me. And while Eliot may still be right about the end of the world, his words can't be applied to the end of my laptop, because there was nothing whimperish about it. My laptop, it started flickering like a strobe light, there was a crack kind of sound (a "bang" if you will?) and then smoke. SMOKE. Smoke. OH MY GOSH SMOKE. SSSMMMOOOOKKKEEEE. For reals - SMOKE. I don't know how else I can format it for you to accurately get across the magnitude and insanity of the situation, but there was OH MY EFFING GOODNESS SMOKE coming out of my laptop (a.k.a. my EXTERNAL SOUL).


Then it turned itself off, and it never spoke to me again. My electronics hate me. Luckily, I think my laptop is still under warranty, but who knows if that'll do me any good because, well...let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we? To just over a year ago, when my previous laptop looked like this:

That wasn't covered under the warranty. And most recently my camera wasn't under warranty. Let's see if the third time is the proverbial charm, shall we?


Did I tell you my car had a leak in it? Well, it did. Right below the windshield on the passenger (took me three times to spell that right) side, and every time it rained, I had a small pond on floorboard. It only took me about 8 months to figure this out, though (I thought that moldy smell in there was just me being shut inside a small space, because why would I ever think that it was raining IN MY CAR?) (and I found it out by placing something in the passenger floorboard one day after a heavy rain, only to pick it up an hour later and discover that it just had a lovely swim), and I so I decided it was about time to buy some koi fix it. Someone advised me to use some silicon, which I did, and now my car is forever a giant slime ball, because while the silicon was able to plug up the hole and fix my leak, it is also silicon which makes it water-proof and IMPOSSIBLE TO REMOVE EVER, EVER, EVER. And since I (and my mom. Don't let me fool you into thinking I was faking my way through a car repair by myself) had applied the stuff to a number of areas since I really had no idea where the actual hole was, AND I had to press down the, um, oh what is it? The liner? Rubber cover? Thing that covers the bottom 4 inches of the windshield and is somehow attached to the car just under the hood? Yeah, that thing - I had to press it down to make sure it was being glued (siliconed?) to the window, which resulted in a whhhhhole lot of silicon excess being pressed out and it spread everywhere. So now, not only is the leak gone and fixed and plugged and whatever, but my entire car is waterproof. Win-sortaWin. I could be a modern day Noah. But just on a much smaller scale.


By the way, this blog is MONETIZED! And it has been for, oh, three months or so? So far I've made - you're gonna want to sit down for this, because the vertigo you're gonna get from reading this large number is gonna knock you over, blow your mind, AND save your soul - bum-buh-ba-daaaaaaaaaah! $0.09.

Yeah, this here blog is gonna pay for all my broken stuff in no time.


Oh! And today at work! I cut my finger on cardboard! CARDBOARD! Who does that? How is that even possible? And it's not even a cut, it's a CHUNK out of my pinky finger, and it bled for AN HOUR. It didn't hurt or anything, until I got home and tried typing on the computer, because my exposed flesh is on the precise point on my digit where it touches the keys. Now, we don't have any bandaids in this house, because first-aid, shmirst-aid or something like that, so I had to tape some toilet paper around my finger just to give it padding, and now I've been typing this out with 9 fingers! Well, my pinky still uses the shift key when necessary, so I suppose it's still technically 10 fingers, but it can't be used for it's usual q, w, a, s, z duties, because this monstrous "bandage" thing just isn't made for single key strokes. ATHis ias what it looks like when iaz type weith thwat damb pinky. Clever folks out there will notice that neither the b nor n key are in the jurisdiction of my gimpy finger, so clearly I'm just a sucky typer as it is, given that I couldn't even type "damb" (damn! did it again!) with my good fingers.

If I were a racehorse, they'd shoot me.


And how did I forget this? I came home today - hungry as always - and went straight for some cookies which are stored in a round, plastic container. And in my attempt to pop the lid off, I cut my middle finger on my right hand. Granted, it's wasn't too deep, it's not a missing chunk, and there's no exposed inner layers of flesh pounding against the keyboard, so it's not a big deal at all (because my mutilated pinky finger is novel-worthy in and of itself, I KNOW). But who slices two appendages open in ONE day on plastic and cardboard? (CARDBOARD!) Just me, apparently. Juuuust me.


Now I'm wondering if this Seven Quick Takes idea is a bit of a waste for me. I feel like any one of these stories so far could easily have been posts all their own if I had just fleshed them out a bit. And I'm sure all of you are just DYING for me to expand on my 3 millimeter-long finger scrapes, am I right? But then I'd at least be able to post more frequently. I've got nearly a weeks-worth here already, by george! Of course, this DIRECTLY contradicts my very first comment I made last week in my very first Quick Takes post about how lumping them all together is "efficient" or something. I really can't make up my mind about anything, can I?


Okay, gotta end it here. I need to go redo all my homework. Oh, did I not tell you? IT WAS ALL ON MY LAPTOP.

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