A Christmas Gift-Giving Guide

(Yes, I said it. Christmas. Such a rebel, I am. Counting down the days till a PC-loving fool tries to punch me in the face.)

Now, as much as I don't like the commercialization of Christmas, I think as long as we don't overindulge each other and we keep Christ at the center of the holiday, well, I don't see the harm in exchanging a few gifts. But shopping for people is hard, isn't it? Who knows what the hell anyone wants these days. Well, I'm here to help. Sort of. I mean, I know the kind of things neurotic, geeky women such as myself want, so if you have a young lady in your life who is something like me then 1) you've come to the right place to find out what she would like for Christmas and 2) God help you.

(P.S. I am not getting paid in any way by the people who sell these products. None of them have any idea who natatomic is (me, hi!), what she stands for (loserishness, basically), or what her hopes and dreams are (to eat the perfect pizza and live in Epcot). These are all things I either own and love or would like to own and love, and I therefore think others like me would like to own and love them too.)


A. For the baking sorts:
1. 2.


3.

1. Those aren't stacking cereal bowls, they're measuring cups, and gosh darn it, they are just about the cutest measuring cups I've ever seen. Who says all bakeware must be white and boring? The government? Well, I wouldn't put it past them, but no! Not even them! So live a little! Spice up the kitchen gadgets in the lives of your loved ones. (That's right: spice. Totally went for the pun.)

2. I don't usually do ruffles or bows or lace or anything else that girly, but something about this apron just melts my non-frilly heart. I'm so convinced of the shear beauty of that apron that I believe even the most militant hairy-pitted feminist will don it with 1950s-supposedly-oppressed-housewife pride.

3. Now, I'm not a fan of a brownie edge - I'm a gooey middle piece girl myself - but apparently I'm in the minority judging by the the very existence of this very special all-edges brownie pan (or it could just be that it's impossible to bake brownies with NO edges, so the only novel brownie baking idea anyone was the all-edged pan, but whatever)(and even though I prefer a middle piece, I'm including this in the list because if the person you're shopping for is as big of a people-pleaser as me, then it will be her top priority to see that all her edge-loving guests are satisfied). So if you know someone who is an edge fan (or someone desperate for the love and approval those around her), this would be the perfect gift. And hey, they'd probably bake you some brownies as a thank you, so win-win.

B. For the Art/Disney Parks fan in your life:
1. 2.

You cannot go wrong with an attraction poster. I own the Tomorrowland one and LOVE IT TO PIECES, and I plan on buying the Snow White one as soon as I get to Florida and get my awesome Cast Member discount. My plan is to use the posters as design palates for my future bedrooms of my future 15 kids - Tomorrowland for the boys and Snow White for the girls (I do love a good gender stereotype). But whatever. Back to the gift guide. I'm telling you, if you know anyone who is as dedicated to the parks as I am, find out that person's favorite land or attraction, and buy its respective poster. They'll love you forever. Promise.

C. For the girl who likes a little math in her art:

1. 2.

But if your girl is not such a Disney enthusiast, dump her but still has a penchant for math* as I do, she will certainly love these geometry-inspired photos. And while I don't really consider myself a stair enthusiast, I'd imagine if you know one, she'd like these too.

*But calculus can suck it

D. Other stuff to go in her house:

1. 2.

3.


1. See those numbers? They're adhesives. And if you know someone like me, then I can tell you what fun she'd have with this clock. First of all, the obvious, I could put those numbers in backwards order. Or I could put them in no order at all - just mix them all up and put them however I please, and drive OCD people CRAZY. Or or or OR (and I like this one), I could keep them in the proper order but move them all just ONE slot clockwise. I don't know if it'd screw too many people up at the 12, 3, 6, and 9 hours, but I bet in between where none of the numbers fall parallel to any axis, it'd throw people off as they just take a quick glace at it. Or I could try being all edgy and ironic with the clock by keeping the numbers in their correct spots, but then moving the hands completely outside the circle. It'd be so deep, man. It's be so deep.

2. This is just the most adorable idea I've ever heard of. They CUSTOMIZE that pillow for you, all the way down to the red stamp in the corner which they put your town name in. That is such a sweet idea, I think ANYONE would love something like that.

3. Besides my mom, who is just weird anyway, I can't think of anyone who doesn't like Dr. Seuss. And aside from the fact that these sculpture things cost at least $2,000 a piece, I don't see any reason you shouldn't buy one of these for your loved one. Of course, you might have to whittle one yourself going by that price, but that will make it all the more meaningful. (Assuming it turns out good. Otherwise it'll just be sad.)


E. Clothing
1. 2. 3.

1. That jacket? Perfection. Very simple, very stylish, very steampunk. I guess it's more of a spring/fall type jacket judging by the short sleeves, but you know what? Form over function for once! I'd gladly freeze my arms off in this jacket. And then I'd never need sleeve again, anyway. See how that works out?

2. & 3. Despite the fact that I almost never wear dresses (only because I have no where to wear them to, not because I don't like them), I'm always on the lookout for new ones I can buy and admire as they hang in my closet. But if you've got a girl to buy for who actually wears the dresses she owns, then these two are pretty much guaranteed to be loved. Especially since those shapes would look good on just about anyone.

F. Geeky stuff

1. 2. 3.

1. Bad guys or not, what "Doctor Who" fan wouldn't want this sleekly designed Cult of Skaro tee? But if that's still not obnoxiously obscure enough for your gift-receiver, you could always try a "The angels have the phone box" shirt. That's definitely on my list, for sure.

2. I don't care how much you love sci-fi, you are not a TRUE fan of the genre unless you have watched "Firefly;" so if your if the sci-fi geek in your life hasn't seen it, then buy this immediately. It's the fool-proof gift. Granted, it's just your typical western-themed future-era space story where everyone speaks Mandarin Chinese (I know, I know...it's so been done), but the show doesn't use sound in the external shot in outer space! Scientific accuracy! That never happens in sci-fi. YOU CANNOT GO WRONG!

3. Since I'm still chained to my desktop due to my laptop being fixed, I am back to being driven crazy by the mass of cords tangling around my feet. I know, you could just as easily use some rubber bands or twist-ties, but do you know any rubber bands or twist-ties that look like monkeys? No? That's why this is the superior product. I got one of these from a friend a days ago. LOVE IT.

G. Books

1. 2.

1. I don't know why I did it, but I bought this book on a whim back in high school. Good thing I did though, because I really loved it. It's funny, it's interesting, and despite the fact that about 17% of it went over my head, it's still very informative. Who knew that the definition of a second is "9,192,631,770 oscillations of the electromagnetic radiation corresponding to a particular quantum change in the superfine energy level of the ground-state of the cesium-133 atom?*" Well, I did. I mean, duh. But now you have the chance to spread that knowledge around with this book. So do it.

*The book continues, "Funny, I thought it would have been 7.256183216% of an oscillation more than that. How interesting!"

2. ANY BOOK BY TERRY PRATCHETT. Hilarious and geeky, I cannot recommend them enough. Other good ones include, "Hogfather," "Thief of Time," "Mort," "Reaper Man," and "Soul Music," which are so far all the ones I've read. Funny how they're all my favorite, eh?

So there are my recommendations. Hopefully you've been able to take a gift idea or two away from this for the endearingly-nerdy female near and dear to your heart. And if you have a shop for a man, well, um...good luck with that. Can't help you there.