24 June 2009

[Imported] In which I mention panties. Lots and lots of panties.

Yesterday was a turning point in my life. Not because I've found some calling in life, not because I was hit with a sudden epiphany, not even because I suddenly said screw it all, I'm joining the Amish.

No, before yesterday, I lived in beautiful, ignorant bliss about a habit of mine that I have done every single day of my life since I was out of diapers (and the italics should tell you that I am being totally literal here). That's over 7000 days of my life, people, and never did I think twice about what I was doing, never did I stop to think, "Is this what normal people do? Might someone think me weird for this?" It was as natural to me as breathing, as natural as blinking, as natural as eating steak with ketchup (hey, I'm from the south, folks. It's just what we do).

I wear underwear under my pajamas.

Am I seriously the only one in the world who does this? This question, I suppose, is probably geared more toward women given that men probably just wear boxers, and I can't trust their opinions anyway since their underwears are clearly just zipperless shorts, and I will never understand why they even bother with underwear AT ALL when, really, they can't even admit to themselves that they're actually wearing TWO PAIRS OF PANTS.

This whole topic came up yesterday when I was shopping with my mother for pajamas. I'm not going to get into how the topic of underwear vs. no underwear even came up, because all you need to know is that it did, and you'd have thought I grew a third arm out of my forehead from the way my mom looked at me when she found out that I wore panties under my pajamas. I probably looked at her the same way when I found out she didn't, but hello? it's my mom's fault to begin with for not letting me in on the no-panty-under-pajamas rule in the first place, so how can she be so shocked? I may have been potty trained at 2 years old, but I certainly wasn't dressing myself at that age, so she MUST have been the one to start my daily habit of pantying it up at night before the pjs were donned. And since I was wearing underwear just as religiously during the day, what in the world would make her think that I would naturally come to the conclusion on my own that, "Air flow at night, vagina's delight?" This is information that should have at least been covered in The Talk.

And it turns out that I'm the only nightly-pantied person in my family. Not only that, they even have a NAME for their pantiless nightlife. I swear I'm not making this up, they call it "Fresh Fanny." A FRESH FANNY, PEOPLE. Really now, if it's important enough for you as a group to name, shouldn't it be important enough to make sure that everyone in the clan is aware of the practice?

Still, when discussing this with one of my cousins, I remarked how I thought EVERYONE slept with underwear under their pjs, to which she replied, "Well, maybe all the Mormons. And prudes," and if I'm going to be totally honest here, I think I pretty much fit the latter description. Now, I don't know if prudishness begets panties under pjs or panties under pjs begets prudishness, but either way, I guess I've been pegged.

What about you, Internet? Nightly knickers or fresh fanny?

No comments:

Post a Comment