[Imported] What does your phone say about you?

My Internet connection has been down these past few days, which is an experience comparable to a few days without chocolate - I can can totally survive and function like a normal human being, but please...don't make me do it again.

My cellphone contract is about to run out this Wednesday, and since my mom has a cellphone from work, she doesn't a new one with an NC number. But I do, and rather than go through all the hassle of a new plan with a new phone with a new contract, my cousin and his wife are tacking me on to their plan, like the good people they are, which will now cost me a grand total of $reallycheap a month. The original plan was that I was going to go with my cousin-in-law to pick out a new phone, but he just happened to be at the Verizon store a few days ago and picked out a Razor out for me. Or a Razr. Or a Rzr. Whatever. Apparently, vowels are so last season.

Anyway, my cousin-in-law is really techy (read: nerdy, although he is a nerd who can bench press a steroid-addicted elephant, so I gotta watch what I say) which means that he knows people in the business of techy things such as cellphones. And it's times like this when knowing nerds comes in super handy, because he was able to get the phone for something like $30-$40.

And this phone is perfect. It's thin, it's gotta pretty looking screen, it plays Bolero, and most importantly it makes phone calls. This is all I need in a cellphone. It also takes pictures and videos to which I give a non-committal shrug and a small "Eh," only because I have already have camera that takes GOOD pictures and this cellphone makes GOOD phone calls (ignoring the fact that I am incapable of a GOOD conversation on any telephonacular device), and it's simply not necessary that I have a phone that takes poorly saturated, blurry photographs. However, should I ever run into Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster, this phone will be perfect for capturing such footage.

I say all of this now, but within a month, people with camera phones will be begging me to stop sending them pictures of myself with Mickey Mouse, because the first 3927 pictures were enough already, ok? and we don't even know who you are.

So, yes this phone is wonderful and has everything...

...including a flaw.

Which is that it's pink. You know. Pink. Like cheerleader pink.

And pink is not, in itself, a bad color. I love pink as much as the next hormonal female. Erasers are pink. Baby Jesus' cheeks were pink. Strawberry Starburst are pink. SO MANY GOOD THINGS ARE PINK.

But phones? Phones, in their natural state, are not pink. They are silver, dark silver, or perhaps black. Colored phones, are thusly, like 99% of blondes, unnatural, and the people who own pink phones are the same kind of people who belong to sororities, have devil-spawned things like spirit and pep, and actually say words like, "Like oh my G*d!" only the D is NEVER pronounced and it sounds as though they are taking the name of the Holy Gah in vain, may Jesuh have mercy on their souls.

Yeah, I know they don't say "Jesuh," but let me extend my joke a little bit, will you?

Okay, so perhaps I'm exaggerating here. And don't get me wrong - I LOVE my phone. And the pink has sort of grown on me. But the fact is, I am a cold-hearted person with a severely analytical brain. I like hard facts, cool logic, and other physically descriptive adjectives modifying intangible nouns. I have no time for such things as "feelings" or "emotions" or puppy dogs and rainbows. I don't have pep, I don't fawn over all the hot TV celebs, and I certainly have a vocabulary of more than 12 words.

If I were a crayon, I would be beyond black. I'd be black-hole black.

But then I whip out my PINK phone and I feel so...exposed, as if it's giving away my uber-secret identity. All of a sudden my harsh, granite exterior has been effortlessly blasted away by the blinding force that is PINK, which thusly has exposed my soft interior-self who, really, only wants to giggle with my sisters from Eta Beta Pi* and make out with Patrick Dempsey, who is sooooo like oh my gah.

*I hope everyone caught that.