[Imported] Thanksgiving, by the numbers

1. Being around the grandparents who are so deaf that you feel hoarse by the time the trip is over for all the shouting. I said HOARSE FROM ALL THE SHOUTING. NO, I DIDN'T ASK WHAT'S MORSE CODE FOR 'POUTING' – HOARSE FROM ALL THE, ugh, never mind.

2. Looking forward to Thanksgiving for an entire month, but once it's over dreading the next four days of T-Day left-overs. Turkey cereal, sweet potato tacos, cranberry soup, dressing & eggs, gravy coffee, ham sandwiches – er, wait. That last one is pretty normal. But I'll pass on the giblet pie. Um, thanks anyway though.

3. Watching your grandfather read the car manual for a half hour trying to figure out how in the world his wife turned the digital compass off and trying to figure out how on earth to turn it back on; offering to fix it for him but no-ooooooo – he's the man, he'll take care of it; sneaking into their car to press the "Power" button on the compass and fixing the problem in a record-breaking .000092317 seconds. Getting a phone call three days later from your grandmother to learn of this obviously secret and complex knowledge.

4. Visiting with my dad's side of the family with my mom and watching someone else for once feel totally out of place in a conversation.

5. Realizing that you get along better with the poor, uneducated family on your dad's side (not including the aforementioned dad, of course) than your suburban, money-and-weight-obsessed, pessimistic mom's side.

6. Being thankful for having a family to complain about.