24 June 2009

[Imported] Oh well, I guess I'll just never get married

My mom left for Tennessee this morning for Thanksgiving, which means that I'm home alone until I leave for Florida next Wednesday (for those of you thinking that this would be a fantastic opportunity to take advantage of my single womanhood and come break into my house to do…whatever, well, let me warn you that I took karate for 6 years (sure, it was 10 years ago, but I still know where your balls are located) AND I own a Tae Bo workout video that I watched one time. So…yeah. I'm pretty dangerous.) And like any child would do when she suddenly finds the house all her own for days on end, I've decided to...*giggle*...go a little crazy. First, I had ice cream after lunch instead of after dinner, then I set the thermostat to 71 degrees instead of 70 degrees, and finally (yes, there's more!) I had a full sip of milk straight from the carton. Maybe I'll even stay up until 9:30 tonight! Oh heavens, can you imagine what my mother would do if I knew of this devilish wild side in me? Oooo, it makes me giggle nervously.

Tee hee.

Speaking of my wild side, yes, my hair was parted on the right side in the photo, which someone correctly guessed (darn me and my far-too-easy questions!), but I definitely have to give you the story behind the picture. Here we go. My hair naturally parts on the left side. It always has and, unless I shave my hair completely off and start over, I suspect it always will. Until the other day when I decided to spice things up* and dare to defy my follicles. After all, how often does my hair do what I want it to do anyway? (Psh, never.) Then why should I so obediently and unquestioningly follow the Thou-shalt-part-a-sinistra commandment as my hair demands? So I just threw my hair to the other side one day, sprayed it down so much that I'm pretty sure I formed a new hole in the ozone layer (okay, that's a lie, I don't even use aerosol hairspray), and then admired the New Me in the mirror. I must say, I was taken aback by how different I looked, and after a minute or two I realized that wow! this is what I look like to the rest of the world! Awww, I'm pretty!

*Part of my decision was also based on the Hair Part Theory (WARNING! PDF! AGGHHHH!), which says that a specific-sided hair part draws unconscious attention to its relative side of the brain, thus a person is then subconsciously perceived to have traits associated with said side of the brain. For instance, with my left part, I would - in theory - be perceived to have more left-brained, traditionally-male qualities (logic, dominance, leadership, an uncontrollable need to talk about myself, etc.) rather than right-brained, traditionally-female qualities (artistry, sensitivity, daddy issues, a deafening biological clock, etc.), so - DUH! - no wonder I can't get a boyfriend! I've simply been intimidating men with my masculine, pants-wearing hair part! Ahh, feels good to have solved that mystery.

So there you go. It only took me 22 years to completely reinvent the position of my hair.

Annnnd no one noticed.

But whatever. The real issue I had with my hair being parted on the right side was how ABSOLUTELY CRAZY IT DROVE ME. OH. MY. GOSH. With my hair parted on the left for just about my entire life, I'm long past the point of noticing my hair draped across the right side of my forehead. But in reverse? UGH. The left side of my forehead was SUFFOCATING under the hair. And also, during a typical left-hair-part day, I'm constantly [subconsciously] brushing and tucking my hair behind my ear with my right hand, which is normally NO BIG DEAL, except I'm so used to reaching beyond the center of my body to where the left-sided part begins that with my right-sided part, I kept accidentally pulling my oppositely-draped hair back over to the other side (where it normally lays) which meant that I was messing up my hair roughly every 5-10 minutes throughout the ENTIRE DAY.

The next day, I moved my part back to the left, and ohhhhh, the relief was instantaneous. It was as though I had spent the day completely blindfolded and only after taking the blindfold off did I realize how beautiful sight was. Yes, that comparison is totally appropriate, don't give me flack. I'm telling you…I heard angels sing.

Conclusion? Change - it's a bad thing.

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